Shetland pony through the back

Looked oot the kitchen windae yesterday and what did I see?


Looks like my neighbour, Frank, the horse tamer, is bringing his work home with him.

It's the Unst show today and I think Frank is entering this little colt in the "1980's Pop Star Lookalike" category.

Sunny! Yah da-da-da, dah! Da-da da-da, Dah! I l

Ha ha! Sunniest place in the UK. Official! Gerrit up Yeez!

Norwick Exposure.

We've had a GORGEOUS month of sun. So we've been spending a lot of time at Norwick Beach.


It's only about 8-10 minutes drive from oor hoose.
Soft sand, rolling surf, big bay view, arctic terns diving for their dinner. Beautiful.
Here's Caroline and the dug enjoying a good splash around. (left)












Even on a cold day it's lovely.
Do you like my John Lennon New York Just Before He Got Shot look? All dubbed up for the cold arctic wind.

Bracing sea air, wind in your hair, the dug fighting with the sea. Ooh Arrr! I gonna have to get myself a Sixareen! That's a Scandinavian six oar boat that fishermen keep dying in. Oh, but, arrrrr! She be harsh mistress, etc.

Fresian their arse off.

This is the end of my street.

Of course I lived in Maryhill for a couple of years so it's not unusual to have a bunch of cows hanging around the corner. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Rig-Mareel-Marole.

Hi Kids!

This post is a bit of a rant so strap yersells in!

We learned even before we arrived in Shetland that the hot talking point was a proposed building called Mareel. So many voices were vociferous and noisy in their opposition with some councilors talking about battles and war. Even after the building was given the go ahead in a close called democratic election, people were calling for recounts and how they were avowed to overturn the decision. Words were said. One Shetlandic journalist suggested that the cost in postage of letters to The Shetland Times on the subject could have paid for the building.

“Wow”, I thought, “What kind of building could invoke such hue and cry? A maximum security prison? A nuclear waste refinery? An Al Qaeeda training ground or some other equally dangerous and unhealthy institution?

“It’s a cinema.”

“What?”

“It’s a cinema and theatre complex with a rehearsal room.”

“ Like a picturehouse?”

“Yes.”
”Where people sit silently in the dark sharing a bon huer with a touching story or a rollocking rollercoaster ride with the latest blockbuster?”

“Yes.”

“And a concert hall with a state of the art sound system for musicians to touch and inspire the soul?”

“Yes.”

“And a rehearsal room with a sprung floor for wee lassies to go to dance class and couples in their thirties go to do salsa?

“Yes.”

“???”

Here's an artists impression.

The opposition is baffling. Okay, so I’ve only just got here and I don’t know the history and the ins and outs and so on, but should that matter? Am I perhaps in a better position to register the bizarre nature of the debate.?

“We don’t need it,” say some. We have The Garrison Theatre. Yes, while The Garrison does serve the community well, with theatre, music and film, it is in the end an unlicensed ex drill-hall showing a few movies every now and again. Is this enough? Why deny yourself the pleasure of a room designed for the very purpose of film and music? And a world class concert hall would attract world class artists.

“We can’t afford it,” is the other one. Well you know what? I can’t really afford to take my wife to Rome next summer but the idea is so attractive that I am determined to make it happen. And, actually, if we stopped eating such expensive dinners at restaurants and booking premium cabins instead of standard on the Northlink ferries we probably could afford it.

The language of opposition used is also very bizarre. It takes the tone of people who are not just speaking out against something they don’t think will work, but of people personally violated and ridiculed, desperate to get back at someone, when in reality they were, very simply, voted against.

Perhaps, as someone who works in the arts industry I am rather biased. And with the current facilities in Shetland, yes, we can put on concerts, films, plays etc, to entertain and enlighten the public who seek it. But the prospect of what we could give you with the right equipment is very exciting. The talent and the enthusiasm are already here so give us the tools and we’ll finish the job. You will not be disappointed.

I do sincerely hope that when Mareel is built and up and running that the naysayers will allow themselves to enjoy it.

Here's their space. Watch the promo: http://www.myspace.com/mareelshetland

Ta for listening.x.

Pure Energy (by the way)

This is the Pure Energy Centre on Unst just up the road from the Bus Shelter.


nature drives the turbines with wind (of which there is an inexhaustible supply) which creates electricity which then is converted to hydrogen...or...em..in fact just click the link to see what they do there. They can explain it all better than me:

Pure Energy

And here's a wee film of the Hydrocar versus the Ice Cream Van race at the Unst Thrash, an annual gathering of young motorheads making lots of tyre marks on the runway of Baltasound airport. (The race is the first thing you see you feel free to switch it off after that. The rest is just a load of noise.)

Unst Thrash

Vroom

Big Tumshie

Well it would seem that according to us the greatest contibution A Swede has made to the world is not revolutionary weponry, ground breaking drama, affordable stylish furnishings or world class pop music but....scoring goals for an average European team for a few seasons.

Yip, Henrick Larson wins the Nordic Exposure fortnightly poll. Here's how he reacted when I told him the news:
Asking how he felt about winning he said, "Tack själv för den här stor heders-. Utom Jag spillt för Barcelona alltför så fuck den Påve."

Check out the new poll.
S.x.

Básta Svensk.

You only have two days left to vote for your favourite Swede. A new poll starts on Monday.
S.x.

Baltasound Bus Stop Blues

Hi Guys,

Here I am waiting for the bus to Lerwick. In Shetland this season all the cool bus shelters are wearing Turquoise.

Situated on the A968 trunk road between Baltasound and Haroldswick this is a groovy little shelter with only two busses a day. (The pretty little thing doesn't like to exert herself, much like yours truly.)

Here's what she was wearing last season:
And during her disco phase:

Love Thy Neighbour

Day 1. Friday. On our first morning in Baltasound the grass out the back looked like this:

Waist high to most, shoulder high to me. So I joked (well not joked just sort of said chirpilly,) to my neighbour, Boagsy, "Ye'd need a scythe to deal with that lot." He replied, "I hae a sye, ah'll hae it done in ten meenuts." It was lovely day so I said "Great," and went on rake'n'barra duty.

So Boagsy, who looks a bit like Catweasel, took his scythe and hacked away for about an hour and low and behold...There was a dog under there! No, of course not. You've been introduced to Meg before. But he did find rhubarb! "Get chirsell a knife an stick that in a crumble," enthused Boagsy. In fact he told me THREE times! "It's ripe! Root it oot!"

So when I went over to tell him that I'd done it he was talking to Frank, my other neighbour, the guy who tames Shetland Ponies (except up here they're just called ponies. A Brazillian doesn't call a Brazil nut a Brazil nut, he just calls it a nut. Actually up here they are just called horses. The ponies that is, not Brazil nuts.)

Frank just happened to have a bottle of Grouse in his bag, so he sent Boagsy in to get four glasses and me in to get Caroline. It was only about 1.30 in the afternoon, but , well, it's just a dram.

Then out comes Andrew, a lovely guy next door who sits in his garden drinking cider from a mug arrived, as did Yorkshire Steve who I'd met earlier when he came my door and said "If you need anything, anything at all, just ask." My city hackles went up wondering what he wanted from me till I remembered where I was and people actually mean stuff like that. So we all stood there drinking a dram, like the opening credits of King Of The Hill, (in fact Frank looks a bit like Dale Gribble.) And it was nice.

We all broke up and I went back to my raking, and Caroline back to her sanding and staining. That should have been it but Andrew went up the shop and bought another bottle of whiskey. So we all ended up together again sitting in our garden this time pissing it up with grain whiskey and red wine. By this time I was like this:


"Me daughter anner friend are oop frompt down south at t'moment," says Yorkshire Steve, "They mekkin' a pottachilleh? Fancy a bitta dinner?"
"Aye!" Sez we.

We were in his house till 1.30 in the morning drinking vodka and smoking rollies.

Now let me remind you- this was our FIRST DAY!!!! Where have we moved to?

Nothing much happened on Saturday.

Stay tuned.
S.x.

All Hail from The Auld Rock!

Last week my wife Caroline and I arrived to live and work in Baltasound, Unst, Shetland. We are now closer to Bergen than Glasgow. The island of Unst is the most northerly inhabited island in the UK. What in the name of Christ are we doing!? We must be mental. It's this far away:

See! It's that mental!

We're here because Caroline is the new art teacher at Baltsound Junior High and I need a good excuse to get me off the stand up circuit and onto the typewriter.

It takes 12hrs to sail from Aberdeen to Lerwick, then you drive for half an hour to Toft, get the 20 min ferry to Ulsta on Yell, drive another 25 minutes to Gutcher where you get ANOTHER ferry. (Here's me n the dug waiting for the ferry at Gutcher.)

That 10 min ferry takes you to Belmont, then after a 10 minute drive you are in BALTASOUND!

We live in the wee schemie bit to the left. It's a nice bit with MENTAL neighbours. The good kind of mental, though, but more about that later.

On the big 12 hr ferry from Aberdeen Meg the dog and Ffloyd the cat had to stay in the on board kennels down next to the engine room. As you can see they were ecstatic on arrival and didn't hold anything against us.
.

Stay tuned for more Nordic saga's.

Aa da best!