Shetland Johnny

This is Mr Johnny Cash
Don't ask me why but he is EVERYWHERE in Shetland. On our first day day in Baltasound, that bizarre drinky experience blogged about here, it was Cash being blasted out the window from the old fidelity music centre in the neighbours living room.

When we went to the Unst Show it was Cash blareing out of the tannoy speakers interspersed with the usual diddley diddley folky stuff. AND at the concert that night one of the performers covered Falsom Prison Blues.

Turn on the local radio-Cash! Walk into a shop-Cash! By sheer coincidence the reknowned biopic Walk The Line was on the telly not long after we arrived just to remind us.

Why Cash? Why here? What's the connection? Whatever, it's not a problem. The boay's a legend.

I start teaching a course in Guitar Playing For Beginners at the local school tonight, so, aye, a wee bit of Cash in the mix I think. The heedie's wife is one of my pupils so I better be great.

S.x.

Night Boat To Belmont

This is what the ferry will look like until about late March...


...what with the summer being over and all that.

That's the wee 10 minute ferry between Unst and Yell, not the bigger 20 minute one from Yell to the Mainland or the enormous 14 hour one from Lerwick to Aberdeen. What were we thinking?!?

Oh, ALL my wifes pics, like the one above, are at http://www.flickr.com/photos/artycaz/
Featuring arty shots like this one:

Shetland Life

So that's me got myself an article printed in Shetlands monthly lifestyle magazine "Shetland Life."

It was printed alongside another article with a different viewpoint making me look like a right moany killjoy mofo.

But it has established me well in with the Shetland 'clit'eratti (ie: i'm a wee bit of a fanny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Anyway, here's the article.

As an actor, writer and comedian from Glasgow I am all too aware of the biggest marketplace for creative and artistic talent in the world.

While hundreds and I mean hundreds, of my colleagues, contemporaries and competitors are displaying their wares at this bizarre eastern bazaar I will be…moving to Shetland! I am now nearer Bergen than Edinburgh. No, I’m haven’t moved to the furthest Scottish postcode from Edinburgh as I can at this particular time of the year deliberately-it’s just a happy coincidence. With a change of career for both my wife and I (her, silversmith to art teacher; me, stand-up comic to writer) our move to Unst -the island above all others (a good gag in itself) could not have come at a better time for me.

Hate is a word I do not use lightly. I’ve often very snootily and pedantically chastised people for its inappropriate use, “What, you HATE carrots?” I will sneer, “I mean you actually hate them? Like you hate racism and cruelty and injustice? I mean actual hate?” So let me make it clear that when I say I hate the Edinburgh fringe festival, I actually HATE the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

What was once and excellent breeding ground and melting pot for artists and entertainers- visual artists hooking up with bands, comedians acting in plays, politicians and novelists doing comedy shows- has become a cattle call for every opportunistic business minded wannabe to “play the system” and get their slot on whatever game show panel is being recruited for that week- self-censoring, dumbing down down, fawning over these designer clothed Londoners with the £200 haircut, fitting into their limited focus group focus

It’s all gotten a little too bloated and unattractive. You are not just an artist or entertainer anymore. You must also be a businessman, a producer, an advertising exec, a sportsman, an accountant AND a pretty face.

So I’m out. If that is what is required then I shall sit in my wee hut on my wee island with my laptop, satellite dish and fiber optic, creating my genius and flaunting my talents on the web. The internet may seem more competitive due to the sheer number of artists and entertainers using it to get their stuff out there, but everyone is equal. More money doesn’t get you more exposure. Having a ruthless big corporate agency doesn’t get you bigger promotion. Everyone has their five minute open spot; their bite at the cherry and, in this accidental meritocracy, talent will out.

And you spend less money on drink.

Nordic Frontal Exposure

Now that I am down in Glasgow again to do gigs I am realising how much I LOVE the nordic life. For proof of how much I am in tune with such an environment check out this vid i made in Sweden a few years ago.

PARENTAL ADVISORY: MALE NUDITY AND EXCEPTIONALLY WHITE SKIN. SHADES ADVISED.

Act Local, Eat Like A Yokel.

This is the bantam hen that lives in Yorkshire Steve's garden, two doors away. She has given us a dozen eggs so far. Gorgeous!

It's a right wee green co-op aroon here.

Between them our neighbours Steve, Sarah, Boagsy and Will&Jackie have so far given us 6 cod, 1 mackerel, 2 crabs, 12 eggs, mixed lettuce leaves, tomatoes, cucumber, a handful of physalis and a bag Ness Kidney potatoes (indiginous to Shetland.) And all locally grown and caught by their own hand. (Well, except the eggs, that was by the chickens arse.)

And if you throw in the rhubarb from our own garden, our home made bread and all the local produce we buy like butter, milk, lamb, beef, smoked garlic, ice cream and lemon curd, well, Hugh Fernley-Whitshisface would be gushing all over the place.

AND we have a brewery in the village! The Valhalla Brewery. Six different beers and all great!

AND Harlodswick up the road has a chocolate factory! Yes. Foords Chocolates.

If this island ever did wine, coffee and bananas we widny have to EVER leave.

No cheese produced in Shetland though. Weird. Well, it looks like I know what business I'm going into when the showbiz career goes belly up. CHEESE! CHEESE I TELLS YA!

In a small island village far far away.

There ye are. Star Wars wins. My god we are soooo a-side.

If you haven't seen Blue Harvest, SEE IT!

Ther's a new poll up now.
X.x

The Baltasound of The Summer

On Saturday Baltasound played host to The Unst Show. Mostly live stock (best sheep, best cock, etc,) but also arts and crafts.

Being the new art teacher in town Caroline had the weans in school make this totem pole. It represents the isle of Unst with a seal at the bottom and a puffin in the middle, that's our wildlife, and at the top, King Harald of Norway who landed here a wee while ago, giving his name to our neighbour town of Haroldswick.

It won "Most Amusing."





And look-there's me acting like a fanny next to the one that got second place. Will post other winners later.

Caroline also won the pottery category with a wee clay polar bear beating her students to the finish line. Screw them! AND she won 1st prize in the portrait competition with this wonderful pic of Iggy Pop.














Okay, she was the only entrant but 1st prize is still first prize.

I won fuck all.

The rest of the day was in the beer tent getting drunk with teachers then dancing to fiddles and accordions at the village hall and getting drunk with teachers. What, teachers drink?!?

Oh and BTW, the horse next door isn't a colt at all. It's a stallion and it won BEST STALLION! As you can see he was over joyed.