Now that I am away up here in the great wilderness 30 miles short of the Argtic circle my traveling expenses to work are a little painful. When I go to work in Glasgovia for instance it's: bus-ferry-bus-ferry-bus-foot-bus-flight-bus-train. And back.
(the first ferry is free and the second one is included in the bus fair so canny really hark aboot that. Still. Ooyah!)
So a cuppla months ago I'm coming out of departures at Glasgow Airport and I see two Arriva Glasgow Flyer busses. I only need one.
As I stand there gormlessly wondering which bus to get on some suit collers me and says, "Excuse me, are you getting on this bus?"
"Yes," sez I, "but I'm not sure which one to get."
The suit points to the one on the right and sez, "It's that one. Congratulations. You are our ONE MILLIONTH CUSTOMER!"
As I stand there eyebrow raised Spock style trying to comprehend this Oor Wullie storyline that unfolds before me, other eye looking out for Dom Joly, a wee crowd of semi suits start chattering "Ooh! Is that him? There he is! He's the one" (the closest I'll get to being Jesus.)
Next thing I know I am surrounded by them cameras flashing, champaign, chocolates and low quality Arriva promotional items being thrust into my hands.
While I stand there wrestling with the possibilities of my agent and showbiz mates crawing, "That fanny will do anything for publicity," against free sweeties and booze the suit says, "Here's a pass for a years free travel on the Airport Flyer."
That's £120 in old money.
So, as you can imagine I said, "Well I never had a reputation to speak of anyway. Festoon away."
The pass was passed over with four vouchers to the Free Booze Lounge (don't know what it's official name is but I think Free Booze Lounge covers the idea.)
Carbon fitprint through the fuckin' flerr.
3 comments:
Thats class Sandy! I thought you were taking the piss for a minute when I started reading it. The closest I ever got to something like that, was when I was working in a bar in the Merchant City. I poured a perfect pint of tennents, even with the 'T' on the glass pointing in the direction of the customer....got 20 quid for the efforts and a wee certficate. Are you still gigging or doing writing mostly these days? ......p.s. i checked out a band recently 'Camera Obscura'. They make perfect pop imho, but why do bands like this not make mainstream pop?!
Cracking stuff Sandy.
Much like Sinky there when I was working in a naightclub I won a Castlemaine XXXX T-Shirt for pouring their rep a pint of the stuff.
I thought stuff like that just happened in the movies. I've always wanted to be the millionth customer, but so far I've been a 999999th customer three times and recently was the million and first customer after I stopped to let someone else on an Arriva bus before me.
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